Warning: study these rules one by one. To consider this book as a running narrative is a mistake. To study more than a couple of rules at a time is certainly ill advice.

a) Give up selfgratification.
b) When losing control: check the rules.
c) Always try to take initiative.
d) Be an optimist.
e) Ask what she wants, know her and be attentive.
f) Be careful with patronizing.
g) Be merciful.
h) Respect her freedom.
i) Do not expect her to live up to your expectations.
j) Always play safe.
k) Have understanding for her feelings.
l) Avoid the necessity of preventive measures.
m) Do not force.
n) Prefer going outdoors.
o) Pursue only if appreciated.
p) Accept rejection.
q) Be willing to be meditative.
r) Have patience with her demands.
s) Take responsibility for her situation.
t) Respect her initiative.
u) If fallen in love, know her family, friends and religion.
v) Better late than never.
w) Schedule your actions.
x) Make sure she knows your plans.
y) Do not forget the celibate discipline.
z) Respect her advice.

 

 

          a) Give up selfgratification.

Living independently one can become egoistic without knowing it. Still depending on parents, living with them, one can also become entangled in the social structure of the family which will not directly be in need of strangers. To begin a relationship by starting to date someone brings about great changes in life. Any small change of habit might lead to a completely different life. Also choosing for this or that person can determine the course of one's life completely. To give up living for oneself alone means that self gratification within a family or to oneself independently is curbed. One has to accept to take the other person in account. One can feel forced to give up self gratification to a degree, or one can do it by free will thinking it more wise to stop thinking of one's family or one's own interest only. Anyhow not doing so and clinging to the old habit can maintain the synergy of the old situation discovering that the date doesn't work out as hoped for, meanwhile not really understanding why it doesn't.

Another aspect is the fact that changing selfgratification from selfhood or familysystem to another person might run into a disappointment if the old problem of being alone or caught in a family is simply transferred to the other relation. Only the form of selfgratification has changed, but not one's life. The motivation for a date can be driven by the longing of the soul for liberation from loneliness and attachment. Liberation is in fact found, as far as dating is concerned, in the prospect of service to the continence of a more mature position as head of a new family or friend in another association. But marriage or friendship itself is no guarantee against loneliness and attachment. The expected liberation can be another prison of enslavement. Dating might be seriously hindered or corrupted with the disbelief in the prospect of marriage or common friendship. Marriage or enduring association is religiously a holy sacrament that must scientifically be understood. Life means one has to mature and become independent. This independence is never found in the slavery of material service to a family, a single mans situation or a social group of another kind. All material activity is in need of a higher principle to be acceptable as a form of liberation. This higher principle is materially defined as culture above the private, more natural drives. To the spirit this higher principle is defined as soul above ego. (pict).To have a meaningful date implies to be firm in one's decision to emancipate from the lower drives of gratifying one's senses to the higher sublimation of a selfrealizing soul. Whether one is liberated in service to a new family, association of friendship or a more independent social position is of less importance. 

 

           b) When losing control: check the rules.

Dating one explores new relations. This can mean one has to reckon with unexpected things, influences, lifestyles, associations, policies, creeds and the like. Because of this being possessed by the fascination of something new one can easily forget one's own book of rules. This can be refreshing and a good school to learn from, but it can also mean one loses control. The family may panic and sabotage the new as a threat and also one's independence can be seriously resisting against the new influences. Of general importance is to maintain the science of the soul, which is a very personal thing. The rules to be checked are given by experience and not by a book. In this case other rules are important as they form a threat to the familiar one's. losing control means one has to amend to a familiar rule or to adopt an other rule. In order to keep control always an other approach of the rules is the result: one is in evolution to something like the Absolute Rule. One can try to master it with satisfying the body, going for the mind, feeding the intelligence, or going for the soul of a clear conscience. The Absolute Rule is of the latter position: everything of control evolves from the conscientious selfremembrance of the soul. 

 

           c) Always try to take initiative.

A woman can afford to be more passive than a man. This is biologically conditioned. Likewise a man tends to take over the situation. This is all purely genetic conditioning with the ultimate purpose of the sexual act. Culturally these tendencies are watered down: a woman should be responsive and show herself to a degree and a man should realize her intentions not to be discarded as a inconsiderate male chauvinist. Both positions need to compromise in order to balance culture with nature. So whether viewed from the male or the female position, both parties always should try to be of initiative with the male being a bit more active in the dating process than the female. With this the male will always run a greater risk of being cheated or suffering the illusion of being wanted. Therefore it is considered more shameful to a woman not to be a virgin than for a man not to be so.

Not finding a virgin in life a man bound to a culture of free sex can find one advantage though: one is more obliged to the selfrealizing soul as the chance for a lasting relationship diminishes with the increase of the importance of oneself continuing. On the other hand is stressing for selfrealization without the concept of soul an invitation to promiscuity: from ego alone less endurance and stability is expected. Having had different partners driven by the necessity of initiative on itself is not so much an objection as missing the lead of conscience. 

 

           d) Be an optimist.

With all material endeavor things go wrong. Going for the perfect matter of this or that partnership will always disappoint: the other woman is always more attractive as the unknown is attractive itself. Some people suppose it is wise to keep some secrecy to the partner: be a bit mysterious. But that will not prevent the partner from running after the unknown even more unknown. What one is always looking for is liberation and selfrealization. False liberation is running from one responsibility to an other in the illusion of the unknown and new. False selfrealization is to mistake the outer result for the inner attainment. The ever new is Time itself making every day new. No fix on any person will be stronger than the fix on the new itself, nor will any fix of selfrealization be more real than the fix to the witnessing soul in regard of the changes of form. From this is learned that to be content with your first love or to put up and abide by a later partner will give the peace and consciousness needed to realize the higher importance of liberation and selfrealization to the Soul of Time. 

 

           e) Ask what she wants, know her and be attentive.

Mother nature is poetry: everything is in rhyme and harmony going for the truth of peaceful coexistence. Delusion is caused by the fear of death identifying with the body: nature can devour your body, everything must die. Going for the soul frees from the fear of death, making love stronger than lust against regulation. For animals that is called instinct and for humans it is called law and order. Her conflict is always about maintenance: will her nature maintain with the threat of death. Woman being more earth-bound than men because of their sexually receptive attitude depend on the initiative of men. If a man does not ask her, know her or attends to her needs, the game of society as a whole is lost. On the lower level of animal nature this is clear enough. For the higher of culture things get confused: men must become like woman and vice versa. The material word becomes feminine as a whole and the Lord of Time is to be represented as the male initiative or mover of the universe. Forgetting the sexual men and woman both become human, loving the world in respect of the order of time. The order keeps the soul and gives security of maintenance. Sexually one has to go for that order, being more obliged by the physical workload of service to the order while nonsexually one simply has to accept things as they are, serving and mending the existing order less obliged materially. That is what she wants: his initiative and her natural order, to which men opt their alternatives of management. If men are loyal to her order, then the soul will keep men from conflict. War as such is a failure of agreement about justice and the form that order should take.

Dating her means one has to go for her and respect her, ask her what she wants, learn to know if her wishes match with one's personal order and be attentive as far as it goes. In fact men always have to desire to harmonize with her as her nature is always moved by time. The same way she always has to desire to feel to time as time is managed by constructs of manhood. 

 

           f) Be careful with patronizing.

To be a customer of, be treated with condescension, to be under the control of the government or a patron must be considered with the greatest care. The care of a father is important; nor personally, nor collectively this should be denied. Still the rule of independence tells us the mature is not under patronage but selfresponsible. Each may learn from an other person. Each may profit from governmental support. As a way of becoming this is accepted but as a way of being one should not betray one's dependence. The government depends on the people, just as the people depend on the government. No mature person is fully independent. The master depends on the servant too. The salesman depends on the customer. The mature option is an attitude reflecting the loyalty and sanity of respecting the ideal. But to pretend to have reached it is to be considered the most common lie. It is a basic psychological conflict: the relationship with the 'father', whether it is father time, the spouse, the biological father, the priest, the Lord, the government or a teacher or a boss, equals the relationship with the soul. The ego of material identification must align to the soul to free itself from the neurotic doubts and fears of denying the reality of time (pict.). The reality of time is the absolute patronage over all matter we can never escape from. Denying this reality (pict.) is the real problem. In need of structure men quarrel and wage war's forming ego's of patronizing culture each claiming the absolute of the soul. But the absolute of the soul is the complete whole of all soul, matter,work (pict.) and time together. It is not just this Lord or that God. Nor just this mortal or that one or my matter only. Nor is it only fruitive work or standard time. It is the self ànd its ideal, it is the matter here ànd there, it is you ànd me, it is natural time ànd cultural time. This all together we tend to reduce and oppose patronizing calling the other less without us... The answer to this problem is found in the conscientious relating to the true self by lawfully defying possessiveness, emancipating our concept of work and employment, and managing the complete of time in a more sophisticated form than just standard time and the roman calendar.

Dating a woman one tends to forget these issues, but still she will only respect if he knows to be modest to an ideal, is not possessive, emancipated in his idea of what working would be, and realized in managing cultural as well as natural time (pict.) She represents the flowering world and he the control of time, while in reality her intelligence is in the sequential and his in the mastery of matter. Each represents the trade to emancipate to. She is proud of his mastery over time and he is proud of her management of matter. Without him she cannot really manage and without her he cannot really master time. Man and woman are each others patron but should be teachers to themselves. The masculine and feminine are also represented by the marriage of the two halves of the brain specialized in serial and parallel, time- and space control.(pict.) Selfrealization is to emancipate in this latter process of 'dating' and 'relating', married or not, of cultural time versus natural time. 

 

           g) Be merciful.

Serving the senses only and forgetting about the soul mercy disappears. That is egoism: no mercy. Intelligence is mercy. It is in your own interest to hearten the interest of the other. It is the cornerstone of all cultured people. It defines employment, economy, welfare and peace. Young and primitive cultures wage wars in the delusion of ownership while ownership only makes sense with the eternal value of sharing. Only if the private sphere is founded in sobriety (a bed, a chair, a window) can the rest of cultural glory be enjoyed. If everything is called for as a personal possession, no one will own much and culture will be inaccessible. No one owns the whole world, nor its cultures. Man can only pray for free access apart from a simple place to withdraw privately. With the concept of work and making money emancipated to the fruitless and incarcerated too, no one really works or makes money, nor is without function or provision. It all amounts to the reality of serving the order of the complete of time, matter, work and soul.

Any relationship (with a woman) is founded on the sharing of possessions and the sobriety of one's private. Dating one shares downtown and withdraws private. One works for the private of keeping (by abridging) the distance, but one dates to share the world and be present in person. In marriage this is also the success formula for wealth and progress. Together one also works for the private and making a distance to outsiders bearable, while socializing together can only be by going out and share the world being present in person. The tendency to deal with everything in the private sphere is certainly unwise as always a retreat from the world is needed to keep sanity. Overindulgence in the private sphere can lead to unwanted separation and divorce because of the eternal cry for freedom always present in each mature being. To be outgoing is a definition of mercy, while private unlimited defines egoism. 

 

           h) Respect her freedom.

She gives room to manhood, just like mother earth being permissive to the cultural experiment. Still, like nature going wild in storm and earthquake, she will demand her freedom too. One may suffer the illusion of a perfectly nice woman that would always abide by the wishes of the man. But that is just the sexual attitude. She is just as well a mature soul as he is, with the same tendency to dominate, manipulate, lie, and discard as he. Of course one can have a contract to divide the duties and set the limits of control over one another, but such agreements do not imply that she won't claim her freedom to amend to the contract or simply tear it up. The guarantee, the certainty is not found in this or that relationship. The certainty everybody is searching for is that of service. A person who has found his favorite way of serving the order of society has attained to certainty, whether supported or hindered by a relationship or not. To the concept of freedom certainly the notion of penance belongs. The world, nor the lady will always welcome one's service. One has to be able to forbear without confirmation or reinforcement for a long time. This is difficult and the inability to do so is defined as sociopathy, stalking and demoniac. If she, or the greater of society doesn't care, disappointment can lead to anger. Without the willingness and ability to do penance, which is nothing but continuing life without further appreciation regretting one's failures, one's whole life can be destroyed. Becoming a nuisance, a stalker or a psycho will certainly spoil the chance of returning. Important for being able to do penance is to understand why things go wrong. One can be hindered by one's own character, by the ways of society and the direct environment and one can be hindered by nature at large (pict.). One can have many theories of attribution why the continence of service was lost and regret would be needed. But the lesson is always that of maturity: a pure soul does not really depend on any one but the true self. Seeing all adversity as a challenge to selfrealization things come together some day. Many talents can develop and many ways tried. It is the nature of the world to present its alternatives by turn and make new constellations of reality all the time. Thus dating implies from the beginning that in respect of her freedom one's own selfrealization must be remembered. 

 

           i) Do not expect her to live up to your expectations.

This rule is similar to the previous one, but not the same. Expectations form a chapter in the book of psychology of their own. Fixed to certain role-playing people lose their freedom captured by their own desire to be someone. Life become's hell having turned into a servant of other people instead of being a liberated soul in service of the order of God. Of course the order of God is not without others so that serving others is not on itself the problem, nor as having expectations with them would always be a problem. People also enjoy building high expectations from a trip to the planets e.g..

The problem lies in the underlying order to which there is no single solution. Only a diversity of solutions can be with no expectancy of one dominating the other. Solutions can take the form of rebellion, conformation or reform by consent. In fact all three together work out properly: conforming to a forgotten option of order one rises against existing order to reform it by consent. The art of the revolution lies in the ability to complement and not repress what was deficient before. As time learns: one only has to accept the new not forgetting the old. Astronomically: the planets take a new position but do keep their own nature. Likewise one can expect from her to be new every date but one has to accept her staying the same person. Seeking another person will not solve the problem of everyone staying the same. Accepting time to make everything new the sameness will be more welcome and wondrous. 

 

           j) Always play safe.

Dating means taking risks. One is exploring someone else. One tries to discover how one relates. With sexual interest there is the possibility of intercourse as passion can take over reason. As well as to the interest of the body as to the interest of the soul precautions should be taken. A classical rule is to stick to one's own class and to avoid mingling with people thinking different. This rule has been overruled by religious and political reform. The social option of politics endeavors for equality, while religious reform has subdued the whole interest of capital, class and status (see colorcode) to the interest of the common denominator of the order of the soul. The scientific answer is formulated as psychoanalysis which would unify the people in a free association of selfrealization. Politically perverting in power, religiously falling in unreason and scientifically failing by paradigmatic opposition, the concept of unity in diversity was not achieved. Cultures of equality, soul and freedom on themselves would simply miss the natural harmony to achieve the alignment of the ego to the soul that was hoped for. Thus there are the ecological 'green' motive, alternative religion and new scientific paradigmata to cope more intelligently with the nature of the person as a reality of time and space, here and now, soul and ego. This expansion by the political , scientific and religious alternative forms a precaution against losing oneself in unwanted oppositions.

To the body also precaution should be taken. Whether of the same class or status or not, love is equal to all driving for spontaneity and forgetfulness. In the light of love we are happy to forget distinctions of scientific paradigm, birth or developmental stage and political preference. Opposites attract, the one needs the other, each light a shadow. This natural reality driving for social chaos necessitates the simple precautions for sexual intercourse. Accepting culture as a mating-ritual to the interest of the body there are condoms, pills, abortion and medicines against venereal disease. Still one can maintain that it should not be necessary to use all these means of prevention and treatment. Reducing the whole of culture to the sexual drive is a fall-down. Culture can also be recognized as the attempt of man to appease with Time, God and Equality. Sex might be the great liberator in defense against the domination of a time concept, an order of soul or a politic of equality, still it cannot be considered as the complete whole on itself. The philosophy of nature and the alternative might seem to be sex, but all that is unknown cannot be waved away as such. To each of the four options of religion, politics, science and natural living (pict.) there is sex. Trying to get rid of it will not be found in designating it to another outlook. With couples individual or world cultures collectively dating for a relationship of appeasement with the sexual, playing safe means to go on all these fours of culture and thus prevent the necessity of unwanted measures. A lack of sexual control can also be recognized as a lack of cultural content. 

 

           k) Have understanding for her feelings.

The world at large and the woman individual, or the feminine side of all men, is reflected by emotion. Feelings of hate and love drive for war and creation. The concept of control is found in the structural, the orderly, the reasonable, legislative and mindful. This latter type, considered typically masculine should not induce to a general idea of domination. On the contrary it should deduct its specific to the reality of the person. But how can there be any order in the world if anyone can do his own specific? This is the stupidity of reason: it does not understand that aligning ego with soul and reason with feeling is to be a specific self realized person not worried about power, religion or a system of time. It is not to defy systems, it is to stress the importance of one's own nature to which all feelings are born. Realizing this the woman will not be strange, nor the world at large a threat to one's own. The stupidity is overcome realizing the common denominator of all systems of time, religion and politics: it is the cosmic reality of the complete whole to which mankind must accept to live the consequence. This cosmos is objectively known as the celestial sky, scientifically known as true sidereal time, religiously recognized as a form of Lordship, and politically known as equality (peace) to all the worlds. From this all the emotions originate that make up her cosmic soul telling him to align to her to his own self realized nature.

Understanding her feelings means to take all this in account: there are the diversities of culture and the interests of the body. She will feel when one would be in conflict with the other without ever having red the instructions for use of any of the options. From him she expects to be in control: if he doesn't she will. Thus all the demands of dating her or wanting the world at large form a challenge of emancipating and selfrealizing manhood. 

 

           l) Avoid the necessity of preventive measures.

This rule, implied by the rule for playing safe, is in need of separate attention. Just playing safe one can easily forget as the culture would be the prevention. Still it is wise to take the serious wilderness of nature in account. Many believe in refuting the necessity of culture. Being negligent can mean one loses one's life or will suffer at least irreparable damage. It seems that one has to learn by experience so that wisdom is achieved by damage and disgrace. To say though that one must experience everything oneself is another thing. Prevention of some kind must be and begin with educating the young to the eternal values that on themselves form the best precaution. Because simply refraining from illicit sex, killing animals, gambling and intoxication cannot be generally expected, as it is simply tolerated by law as a compromise to the primal drives, some kind of 'translation' of the extreme of the values must be taught. As said, the common notion of clean, truthful sharing and caring, stressing respectively, preservatives, moderation, the altruistic and non-violence can indirectly award the virginal, the total abstainer, the tax-payer and the vegetarian with respect. Thus one achieves the reinforcement scheme necessary to discourage the necessity of further preventive measures. Clarity to the basic values is love while moralizing to the bewildered can be considered as being too late. Avoiding the necessity of preaching the only real solution is to live and prove the values effective by example (pict.). Thus the load of moralizing will weigh less. 

 

           m) Do not force.

People do not like to be forced. Although the law needs to be enforced, nobody likes to experience that. It should not be necessary that any force is exerted. This is the mature demand. It is our honor not to be forced but to live on our own accord. That is why dogs sometime's are better of and cared after than human beings. Animals can be forced, the human being must be respected. For that society runs on reinforcement: we have all kinds of jobdescription defining the duty and the reward. Duties forsaken will be sanctioned with warnings and salary cuts. Thus the human being is reinforced to do his duty. Society runs on the freedom of choice: one may choose how much freedom one sacrifices for an income. The basic duty seems to be social security: one has to check the media, socialize on a voluntary basis and fill in a form so now and then keeping oneself available for a more elaborate jobdescription. It seems to be the most simple job not demanding more than primary school, but it is not that simple: it is called unemployment because one may not refuse to be forced by society for necessary work. Although called unemployed one is paid to be available which is certainly a jobdescription. Thus people under the force of a demanding society are confronted with a paradox: one begins with a job for a certain income which is not considered a real job and even called a shame: one is too passive. Although everybody profits from the blessings of society these 'lowest of the low' are called profiteers. Society is not a religion in the sense of all being equal profiteers in the face of God. Only the one's who take more profit are not cursed with the negative denomination which is not reasonable. A social security income making a worthless consumer to be cursed for the sake of consuming more, reveals a general societal lack of selfrespect. As such the concept of God in such an unreasonable consumer-society is uncertain and can even be considered as corrupted on the scientific basis of the twentiest century society. Although science claims to be value free, one is free to choose, it certainly values the members of society to the capacity to consume. The way to survive psychologically seems to be having money without spending it so that everyone may be happy speculating on your capacity to spend. As such the philosophy of unreason may be considered counterproductive: reinforcing the capacity to consume, consumption and thus also production itself is limited. The compulsive attitude to call social security unemployment instead of a pretty responsible and heavy job, is better understood as a reminder of the economic and logical failure of consumptive unreason. This doesn't have to stay so. Without forcing people, people can be respected for what they are doing. From this respect, stressing the value of service more than the value of consumption only, there will be more awareness of the paradox that the honor of a job goes at the cost of the honor of freedom. The honor of freedom can only be understood and respected being liberated to a formal recognition of identity. The identity of the job of social security is formed by service to the order of Time defining the concept of God and the order of society as an impartial impersonal force of nature managed to reason and conscience instead of systematic unreason and unscrupulous roman egoism. Thus the dictum 'God is dead' may die a silent death without forcing anyone to anything. One can always be a vagabond, socially secured or be more entangled in the web of reinforcing society with whatever (more personal) concept of God.

To the process of dating this kind of liberation can be a blessing as relationships would be less terrorized by the one sided valuing of the capacity to consume, and more by the actual commitment of service. If the honor of the socially secure is no longer denied by the greater profiteer there will be more gusto for people to date. 

 

           n) Prefer going outdoors.

From our childhood we expect to be taken care of. For the rest of our lives this is the trust we have in the greater society. This trust is justified as people have no other occupation than to take care of the needs within society. There is one catch though: one may not accept without the permission to return. People even commit suicide seeing their return denied. Maturity implies give and take. If we may only accept the supermarket and not anything else first the individual honor and second the whole system falls down. Each man has to serve somehow and only by expanding the concept of service can society evolve. Thus everybody has to be outgoing for the sake of service. Dating the other sex must not be an exercise against this rule. Very easily the animal motive inspires for secrecy in the private sphere. Still the human alliance is called culture. One may escape to the bedroom so now and then getting rid of the natural urge, but still one has to go out and meet one's own culture. Without it no relationship will work. The attempt to catch a woman and lock her up with some kids will fail. Sooner or later there will be the call for emancipation and a more or less spiritual/psychological and religious selfrealization. The more it is denied, the more painful the reality will be. All mental illness can be understood as a failure of selfrealization. It is thus of the greatest importance to take the interest at heart by followingthe rule for going outdoors.

The outgoing mentality necessitates regulation. The world is very tempting while the capacity to deal with the complexity is limited. Thus one is in need of a scheme of action. One may cling to the gregorian calendar or follow an alternative scheme covering all days of the week systematically (see tables of this book for the alternative schedule of startime-dating to which also the clock can be corrected for the alternative of sun timing). Any schedule seems to operate perfect with the existence of an alternative. But caught in one system with no escape can create the severest of cultural claustrophobia: one loses consciousness always stepping the same treadmill of labor and leisure. 

 

           o) Pursue only if appreciated.

Woman, by the receptivity of their physical nature tend to acquire followers they not always have chosen for. It easily happens that a man lives the illusion of being appreciated while that is not the case. Just as with greater society there can be a lot of repressive tolerance. Whatever you do nobody may care for it since you are not the Sweet Lord Himself to whom all return may be offered. One must even consider it a liberation not to be appreciated as appreciation constitutes a problem of its own. It is the trade of Lordship to deal with appreciation as the normal human being has the healthy propensity to corrupt under attention. The more a normal sinner, fallen soul or profiteer is elevated, the greater his lie becomes as one is not holy to the falsehood and anxieties of the material ego of the body overnight. One should not steal the Lord his honor or else be willing to suffer with Him. To sacrifice does not mean one will get the credit always or completely or as one would like it. A righteous winner will always say: thank God, and thus excuse himself.

Forgetting that one might not be wanted because of the before mentioned one can become a nuisance and aggravation without realizing it. Thus one must always be prepared to withdraw. As life teaches us this will sooner or later happen to all who eagerly endeavored on a personal ambition. Afterwards one may wonder how far has been contributed to war and misery being the problem instead of contributing to peace and happiness being part of The Solution. It is certainly difficult for a man to, at the one hand, believe in himself while at the other having to refrain at any time as if one were the the devil himself. The inability to stop (see also 3h) characterizes the weakness called desire that turns so easily in anger to the individual or war to the collective. Still lots of one's life can be saved by regular retreat to withstand the fear to contemplate the shadow of action. All the lust to pursue can be turned into love realizing what one is doing in voluntary retreat. To have a holiday might not be the ideal strategy: one continues too long while breaking off too long also. To spread the need throughout the year in the form of separate days for socializing, study and festivity seems to be more wise. Thus tuning down the tempo of life can warrant a better continuity of service and social and spiritual positivity. Also in the process of relating and dating on the individual level it is wise not to continue until forced into the retreat of a maybe less wanted holiday that could end the whole relationship. 

 

           p) Accept rejection.

A man must be founded in his servitude to be a stable person. Depending emotionally one has to be able to stop. Sooner or later the other person will reject: 'I'm not yours, I have to find my own way'. Rejection must be accepted. Without this no society is possible. The right to refute the other is a basic of human freedom and a cornerstone of societal contentment. There is always the tendency to lose oneself in the clutches of material nature and take that attachment for real. Deluded by appearances one goes for this and that, him and her. But the world is not a toy to play with as one likes. The world is a woman that needs to be respected. The typical masculine is the independence of containing service to the interest of the soul. It is the God of time that moves all people to the definition of their being: this is your life, this is your nature, this is your business.

The inability of accepting rejection from the world and her in person gives evidence of ignorance about the definition of service. Devoted to the interest of the soul one will find oneself in a process of becoming: it defines emancipation for man as well as woman. This process consists of nine divisions leading to the liberated state: first one must be able to listen, second one must learn to speak, then thirdly there must be some kind of recollection to develop conscience and concentration: one must learn to contain the lessons learned. Fourth one must learn to help others to the same interest and fifth one has to accept cultural fixation: books, images, agreements, treaties, rules, etc.. To this, sixth, one has to learn to concentrate and contemplate as it is the lead, the symbol and the totem. Seventh one has to become a servant to this business of the true self, true of time and true of one's person. With that service, eight', one will develop friendship cooperating, while ninth one finally attains to full surrender to the service emancipated and liberated to an independent position. In one phrase the process means: by listening one speaks for remembrance to help being fixed in concentration to serve the interest of friendship in full surrender to the reality of the soul (pict.).

As for meeting the other for an enduring relationship usually dating in stage number eight will work out best as it unifies people in a common concept. Also clear is thus that being ill developed in the earlier stages will make dating less successful. First the business and then the girl will always be better. The classical hero liberates the captured woman or troubled world. This is how people respect one another: by the quality of the service to the real thing. To this one is formed by the ordeal of rejection. 

 

           q) Be willing to be meditative.

This pertains to the stage of concentration. Once the relationship is fixed it is kept by prayer, meditation and concentration to which one must be willing to continue for the rest of one's life. It is the attitude that precedes the attainment of service. Because of missing this ability many people have existential crises not knowing how to concentrate on the business of their interest finding themselves unable to build meaningful relationships. Not able to meditate the object of love the marriage of employment can never succeed or even happen. This can have many causes as one can be hindered from within, without or by nature, by attachment to illusions of selfhood, suffering ignorance having aversions taking the form of death fear (pict.). The three monkeys of deafness, prejudice and cowardice can block receptivity, love and action so that the process of emancipation to the mature state of liberated service cannot be. Lots of mental and physical illness can be retraced to this frustration of progress.

The rule of meditation directly follows that of rejection. Rejection cannot be accepted when one is running from oneself and the object of love in fact fearing the selfconfrontation contained in the meditation. In order to meditate one has to accept the basic values (pict.), withdraw and bind the energy of deconditioning from the attachment in proper physical exercise. Religiously this binding of energy is done by singing and prayer. Scientifically this is done by fixation and politically this is done by undertaking action. Naturally this is done by contemplating a fixed pattern of behavior to time: the bird flies south for the winter, the animals mate in the matingseason and the human being will bend and stretch for morning exercise.

While the animal by nature meditates on gathering food and caring for offspring, the human being is bound by culture. Culture is the human way of attracting and cohering to the life-force. To earn your bread and have babies is subjected to cultural surrender. The process of binding the energy is of essential importance to the success of meditation: failure to do so will lead to mental illness as one simply becomes psychotic arriving at the chaos of an unsettled self and will, missing one's own action, misinterpret the inner experience for the outer influence and material motive which is called schizophrenic. Not binding the energy proper also manic bouts and depressions will follow one another.

Taking the other as the object of love, dating becomes a meditation on the condition of containing to the basic values of clean and truthful sharing and caring (pict.), the willingness to withdraw and the capacity of binding the energy of deconditioning. From this way of relating to the world one attains to service, friendship and ultimately liberation in surrender (pict.). To the reality of time this means that for meaningful dating one is in need of a common denominator to which one can truthfully share and care, withdraw and bind one's energy. Practically this is a clock figuring as the common denominator of cultural love. Whether and how a clock should be ruled by politics, religion, science and/or nature is open to further scrutiny (see designs for a proposition) 

 

           r) Have patience with her demands.

A woman can be as demanding as God, the Lord Himself. For a man to be successful the world equally is very demanding. Evolution does not simplify. The ever increasing complexity of human culture humbles each. Dating her one must find the proper entry as if one applies for a job. She will select the most suitable candidate. Although each woman makes demands to her own nature - some seem easy but are difficult and converse - there is also the spirit of the time as the world turns. This decennium works a bit different from the previous one just as one woman makes another approach than the other. Also age necessitates upgrading. To the God of time one must be dynamic. The woman must stand by her man, just as the man has to stand by his woman. Likewise mother nature must be the support of manhood (natural science), manhood must also support nature. The latter proposition is more difficult. Taking her or greater nature as the lead one will be ruled by the world and become a slave of the senses. To the feminine matter of nature, time is the masculine principle or mover. A healthy man must be identified with the initiative of time: he is in need of a schedule, an approach, a state of consciousness to which he will manage matter, the world and her wanting. She knows that all scheming is relative and subject to change. Likewise the classical option for her is to tempt him into the lust of breaking away from his own scheme and follow the emotion of material attachment to her beauty, love and 'timeless' eternity. For procreation the man will have to give into this breaking of order. Some kind of honeymoon must be. But sooner or later the truth will be that she will respect him only if he manages to his own nature and order. The love-game may obscure temporarily with dyonisian lusts, but the apollonian motive for the common sense of reality will ultimately manage (pict.). Knowing this one must be patient with her demands. 

 

           s) Take responsibility for her situation.

A woman is charmed with his courtesy. Dating the other sex wanting a durable relationship a man must feel obliged to give proof of his ability to take care. Even the most emancipated woman has a little corner in her heart for prince charming. Even a prostitute will demand proof in the form of money. Somehow, whatever woman is wanted, responsibility for the situation must be evident. Without this proof she might consider the man as a little brother or a dog she must lead by the nose and discard when used. A man must not fall in the trap of being little brother or a dog offering nothing and using as much as possible. She will insult, belittle and discard him when he falls short in giving proof of his ability to care. Thus each man has a plan, a motive and an endeavor, or he'll pretend as if everything would be clear . It's not bad to live up to an ideal. She will also pretend to be independent while she is absolutely not so. The proof of manhood can be sexual, but must not be so. Especially in the beginning one must take care to have the higher motive dominating. It is very easy to abuse each other and lose respect. It is falling, and falling in love is the most common thing to lose oneself in. Still this rule must be remembered. It is not to pretend being holy, or of perfect selfcontrol. It is important not to lose the objective of caring and sharing to the truth and cleanliness of the ideal. Therefore one acts as if one is virginal, as if one speaks the truth, as if the whole of life can be shared, and as if one would eternally care. One may start of being ideal fighting to keep as much of it as possible, but everyone will admit it is not easy to stay holy to the lusts and God to the real. A woman is easily too permissive as a man is easily distraught distracted from his order. 

 

           t) Respect her initiative.

Although he is the initiative and authentic mover of time, she is the one knowing it to be all right or not. She will refuse if she senses chaos in his planning. She has an instinct to follow him in his control of space, as power over a territory is his ability. But managing time that way she always has the last word. She proves that awareness is more acute being a witness to time than being time itself. Therefore woman can consider men stupid realizing they are not as orderly as they had wanted. It is like mankind relating to mother nature: many concepts of time pass by, but her spin is the final authority.

Especially because men are such schemers and planners her initiative is of the highest importance. Although she might be the way of lust, fixed on her biology, tempting the man into knowing in stead of doing it, her awareness will inspire to actions that brings men down to earth. Simply living comfortably for your own sake and offspring not worrying about the 'big thing' all the time, is her love. So she will keep the home, the food, the clothes the kids etc. etc. to make him discover what he neglected if he forgets her initiative and love with his problems of societal control. Emancipation will teach him house-keeping, child care, cooking and cleaning while she will discover how the works of power function. To the evolution of the soul in the process of attaining liberation in full surrender of service (pict.), the whole business of sex differences will become unimportant. One can just as well be a homosexual ultimately discovering exactly the same process and equality of men. If one would reincarnate one must just as well be able to live the body of the other sex . The law of cause and effect would even dictate it, balancing each with it's own shadow. As the man gives proof, so the woman must also. Dating her thus also implies respecting her proof of feminine care. 

 

           u) If fallen in love, know her family, friends and religion.

The biology is strong. Very often the whole of culture is forgotten seeing the beautiful eyes of the other sex. Butterflies in the stomach and the mind taken away one falls in love wanting always to be together and make it together. Although lots of culture can be forgotten, family, friends and religion cannot be overlooked. Although the love-affair seems to counter the societal pressure of family, friends and religion it is not really an escape. One attains to another family, other friendship and other religion realizing the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Not rarely the revolution returns to the position one revolted against. Evolution at large is a painful process of stressing matter to the demands of the time. Naturally not very much is likely to change in one generation. New wine in old bags, history repeating with other faces, another constellation to the same celestial sky. That is reality and therefore it is wise to take care of the religion, family and friends of the partner one is in love with. It is not always said that the same would fit. Also opposites attract and work genetically even a stronger outcome. Thus one balances between continence of culture and a healthy alternative to keep the vitality. 

 

           v) Better late than never.

Haste makes waste is the lead of this rule. Modern society deludes with fast food in fast cars managed by fast computers and fast training. But speed is no guarantee at all. Speed can give an llusion of timecontrol as nothing in the universe could keep up with the movement, but being stressed to tension and excitement wouldn't last longer than a motion picture. On the long run one simply has exhausted a lot and accomplished a little. To go fast is a form of escapism too. Not to deny the need for speed in communication and some action, it is not to be confused with intelligence. Intelligence is more built on continence in change than on change in continence. It is like the soul relating to the ego (pict.). The soul is the anchor, while the ego is the eventual material form. Forms are doomed to change while the soul as an objective witness in fact never changes. The continence in change defines the holy grail of eternal youth as the soul defines the validity of the ego. I am only real when the soul can be.

Thus a man can only really expect to attract and keep a woman if he is not a phony or false ego. The true ego is the one of full surrender to the interest of the soul. Therefore dating lovers righteously don't care much about being poor, unreligious, or non-social. Love overcome's all trouble. Being hasty about material benefit, religion or societal position can be more of a hindrance than a help. It is always good to say: I built it up myself, I realized it from within and I achieved it of my own. Borrowing virtue from riches, rituals and attachment can be a natural fact but are also a doubtful endeavor for the mature of the selfresponsible. The unique character expressed in the genes is just as important as the influence of upbringing, wealth and status. In fact the conflict of nature and nurture is not solved by racing the genes on one's own will or the environment to the adaptation, but by patient endurance until fulfillment. 

 

           w) Schedule your actions.

To the importance of patient endurance one must hold on to the daily routine not depending on this or that person, ritual or possession. People come and go, routines are tried out and possessions also are found as well as lost. Being creative hardly anything will hold but the reality of change itself. This reality practically is twofold: it is analog and digital, it is nature and culture, it is the solar system and the stars, it is the sequence as well as the repetition (pict.). As said, to schedule one's action a common denominator reflecting her nature is needed: it is the analog, the natural dynamic, the unique and the sameness in repetition. To this denominator there is the freedom of choice of practically any scheme of time wanted: suntime, standard time, startime, true sidereal time, mean time, the time of the moon etc. This is the naked sequence, the digital linear, cultural pragmatic of knowing the order of the day. The denominator is reflected by the division of the year: each day another position to the stars is taken repeated after one year. The other option to her natural reality is reflected by suntime; the authentic time respected by men throughout the centuries calling noon roman style number twelve. Practically as an individual one would only need a calender, a pencil and a ordinary clock. With the same division of time in 24 units, why more divisions if one is enough, the day is then divided to the sun by setting a clock to the true of time , while as said earlier the year trough one attains to 24 periods of 15 days, 48 weeks and six two-month seasons indicated by five (not the midsummer) extra days making the year complete (see scheme for dividing the year and correcting the clock under tables for this book). This clock and calender form the frame of reference when it come's to schedule alternatives of order for the day and the week. This way one harmonizes with her nature without losing control with her resenting the masculine chauvinist power game of cultural opposition. To the collective the business of correcting the clock by hand and marking the calendar might not be honorable. To that a design is possible for a new type of computer clock showing the celestial sky divided in twenty-four as a scale for the clock that would spin to the left along an indication of the sun one step for a star day showing true celestial time analog. Next to this this analog common denominator of the startime-clock a digital display would offer any time concept wanted by a multicultural world order from standard time to moon time and calendars for religious purposes (see designs for elaborate description). Thus settling time to the authority of her nature dating to begin with and relating on the long run will give less conflict with her, culturally, inscrutable being. 

 

           x) Make sure she knows your plans.

To follow your own way is not bad, to do it without the consent of others is an egotrip. Some kind of agreement is absolutely needed to have an organized society. The normal workload of life is built on the consent of others. The type of work that goes without consent is defined as irregular, egoistic and even criminal (pict.). Especially artists who have to give heart to the less wanted expression of feelings and ideas suffer the problem of becoming egocentric. Practically the artist will have to find a community of coworkers with a likewise philosophy to warrant the social control needed for the realitytesting that makes up normal sanity. Also people living on social security are in need of this as applying for a job on itself is not enough to have a healthy sense of community. Selfrespect and honor is found in social agreement. Social control is thus a basic need. Practically this means one has to be present as a person in order to be told or be able to tell others when things are deviating. Social control is a hot issue as the freedom of the individual is at stake. Always the individual must be respected in his right to withdraw and feel free from control. This is the private interest that come's first. First one should be free to partake in a social agreement or not, as only given the relief of that basic need can be spoken of social sanity.

At first instance dating the other sex or relating in a more advanced state can be confided in on the condition of a private place, room or seat to which one can withdraw and recapitulate. Practically this means that social endeavoring will fail without having a place of one's own. It is what can be seen in apartmentbuildings where people's first interest is to deny the presence of others. Only succeeding in attaining one's private the social reality can be as a game one can win or lose. To agree with her about the private and social interest will assure the success of relating. Nor stressing the onesided interest of the private alone nor the social alone will cover the total need of agreement. Politically the socialist and liberal motive have to agree in a parliament to adapt to the needs of the . This democratic attainment cannot be called off, nor for parliament, nor for the living room, without losing the peace and order of multicultural coexistence. 

 

           y) Do not forget the celibate discipline.

In love one can easily forget or even deny the interest of the celibate discipline. Still this discipline is the foundation of culture. The greatest misery in the world was caused by married people, and always the celibate respect of God and Lordship had to rescue mankind from the fires of material passion. Once the fire of lust is burning love with the passions of hell the only outcome is to withdraw to oneself, God and the celibate discipline. Passion that doesn't want to stop is known by its madness and warfare which grows rampant as a contagious disease affecting the whole world in a terrible fall down. At all cost this must be prevented. The only way to do so is to follow this rule of having the celibate discipline as the basis of all relations. Married or not, the soul of the celibate comes first. One is born with it and after the love-affair and little wars of attaining in society are over one must return home to the interest of the authentic soul eventually with the help of pilgrimage, religious retreat and the like. Only in the voluntary suffering of this penance for the sake of the primal celibate a lasting personal- and world peace can be found. In fact is is a stage of life everybody must go through in order to conclude to bearing and raising children (or other by-products of life) and open up to the detachment needed to overcome the fear of death. Knowing this it is wise to remember and respect from the dating in the beginning on, the celibate friendship and order that preceded, consented and is still supporting the cherished love affair aspired with her and the world at large. 

 

           z) Respect her advice.

It is not only the heavenly father, but also the holy mother that has to be taken at heart. Manhood can endeavor planning and organizing forgetting her completely and thus running like blind lemmings into the abyss of one sided selfdestruction. Man and woman, time and matter, spirit and the body, soul and ego, should not be separated and opposed in interest. It is the schizoid tendency of opposing everything in the games of life that obscures the necessity of appeasing and harmonizing the opposites. Thus to the interest of time the matters of local identity should be respected, to the interest of the soul the individual identifications of ego should be taken in account and to the interest of man the advice of the woman should also be respected. Mankind has to walk on both legs of dual reality in order to attain to a livable future and a proper sense of progress (pict.). Repressing one with the other might be the psychological reality of everyday life, but without the order that is reminiscent of the other reality, other rules and other world there is little chance to survive the test of time.

Respecting her advice is of course different from following her advice. A mature person shoud ultimately follow the voice of God from within and nothing else. People cannot be one another's followers once graduated to selfresponsibility. Still two know more than one and broadening the vision can open up completely new perspectives. One cannot live after one another always but without one another nobody can either. Being patient respecting her initiative to say 'maybe I will' would be the best promise of marriage.