Sharing Our Dreams
By
James Harvey Stout (deceased). This material is now in the public
domain. The complete collection of Mr. Stout's writing is now at
http://stout.mybravenet.com/public_html/h/
>
Jump to the following topics:
- Benefits from
sharing our dreams.
- We can start a
"dream group."
Benefits from
sharing our dreams. When we talk about our dreams with other people,
we learn about dreams, ourselves, and the people with whom we are
sharing.
- We learn about dreams. When people tell us their dreams, we
gain insight into their personal dreamscape, their symbolism (and
their ways of interpreting or dreamworking that symbolism), and
their ways of managing dreamland problems and possibilities. We
can use much of this information in our own dream studies. And
when we talk about dreams, this attention helps us to recall more
of them; this further advances our education.
- We learn about ourselves. When we describe our dreams to other
people, their feedback gives us different perspectives -- perhaps
ones which are more honest than our own, because those people
don't have the repressions and biases that distort our
interpretations of our own dreams. They help us to see meanings
which we don't discern because of our limited perspective and
possibly because our reluctance to probe into unpleasant parts of
our psyche. Also, because dreams have more than one meaning, other
people's interpretations can help us to discover those additional
meanings; otherwise, we might have been satisfied with the first
interpretation which occurred to us.
- We learn about other people. We strengthen relationships when
we talk about dreams with people whom we trust and love; the
"trust" implies that the information will not be ridiculed or
gossipped or used against us later, and the "love" means that we
accept the person's weaknesses and shadowy unpleasantries which
might be expressed in the dream. Within the context of
dream-sharing, we can talk about our intimate feelings, our fears,
our passions, and the ways in which we view our lives and the
world. When we discuss a dream, we have a means of addressing an
issue in our relationship without a direct confrontation; the
dream itself brought up the issue, and it did so in a manner in
which we can comfortably disclaim responsibility (however
incorrectly) for the emotions which were expressed, because it was
a dream character (and not us) who said something pertaining to
the subject. Remember that a dream in which the other person
appears is not necessarily a dream about that person; the
character might be representing something else. But sometimes the
character does symbolize that person; if so, he or she is
likely to have dreamed about us in return.
We can start a "dream
group." Some dreamers participate in groups in which they discuss
their dreams with other people who are interested in this subject.
Some ideas about dream groups:
- We gain rewards from our membership in a dream group. These
are the same benefits which we receive from sharing dreams with
friends and family; in a group, we can talk about dreams with even
more people. We develop the friendships and emotional intimacy
which are engendered in an environment which is ideally a safe
arena for such warm, human sharings.
- The members. If we cannot find a dream group which suits our
interests, we can start one. The members might be from our family,
our circle of friends, our co-workers, or other acquaintances. To
find more members, we can write a newspaper ad, or post a notice
at a community bulletin board at libraries, churches, colleges
(particularly in the psychology department), senior citizen
centers, health food stores, bookstores, and other places. We
might want members who have common interests and backgrounds; this
will encourage an immediate camaraderie and communication.
However, a diverse group will generate a broader range of
perspectives.
- The size of the group. Some groups function best with only
four people; most have fewer than ten. When we have more people,
we receive more viewpoints, but this allows less time per person
for the sharing of dreams. (In some gatherings, only one dream is
discussed in each meeting.) If our group becomes too large, we can
split it into two groups. At the meetings, visitors might be
prohibited because these strangers tend to inhibit members from
revealing their private feelings.
- The location and frequency of the meetings. We might meet in
the same person's home each time, or we could rotate from one to
another. Some groups meet in churches, libraries, or community
halls. The members need to agree on a convenient meeting time --
once a week, twice a month, or once a month. They also need to
decide upon a length of time for the meetings -- perhaps two or
three hours.
- The first meeting. This is an opportunity to meet one another
and to sow the friendliness and trust which will make the group a
success. The personal information which is shared helps us to
interpret one another's dreams because we learn about the
wakeful-life factors which will be represented in those dreams. In
addition to the social interaction, we also explain our interest
in dreams, our approaches to dreams (e.g., Freudian, Gestalt,
creative daytime dreamwork, lucidity, or another), and the
benefits we hope to get from our participation. (A similar
introduction might be presented whenever a new person joins the
group.)
- The leader of the group. Some groups are directed by a
psychologist or psychiatrist who can contribute expertise (and
skillful therapy for people who encounter emotional turbulence in
their dreams or wakeful life); the disadvantage is that this
"expert" is likely to impose a particular psychological approach
toward dreams (and he or she will probably charge a fee for each
meeting). In groups which are not conducted by a professional, the
leader is just one of the members. The role is to oversee the
agreed-upon format of the meeting; this includes starting and
ending the session (and each phase of it), assuring that each
person has an opportunity to contribute dreams and comments, and
reminding the members of any "rules" regarding confidentiality,
eclectic acceptance of differing opinions and approaches,
egalitarian sharing (with no one presuming to be an authority on
dreams), and so on. We might choose one person to be the
"permanent" leader, or we might rotate the duty among the
participants.
- The members must develop trust. When we share dreams (and
discuss their psychological meaning), we are exposing feelings and
thoughts which lie far below our superficial social persona. We
must work on this intimate level in order to understand a dream.
To allow us to open up to one another, the dream group must create
an ambiance of respect, gentleness, compassion, and comfort --
without sacrificing honesty in speaking about one another's
dreams. The dreams should be confidential; members cannot talk
about another person's dreams outside of the group.
- The dreamer can stop the process. We should share only the
dreams which we suspect will not reveal something which we wish to
keep private -- but this might be impossible, because any dream
could expose embarrassing or upsetting information. When we do
talk about our dreams and emotions, we should not feel compelled
to disclose a particular dream, or to examine a dream to an extent
which makes us uneasy, or to allow other members to continue a
line of questioning which disturbs us. We can stop the discussion
at any point without divulging our reason. However, if we are not
willing to unmask ourselves to some degree, we probably should not
be participating in a dream group.
- The interpretations can continue. Instead of stopping the
process, the dreamer might want to proceed. In a supportive group,
a member is allowed to express the emotions which arise, and to
cry. However, the members should probably stay on the subject of
the dream itself rather than trying to analyze the dreamer's
personal life. The members are not professional therapists, so
they risk damaging the dreamer psychologically if they delve too
deeply into the emotions which are provoked.
- The format of the meeting. The following format has been
presented by people who have operated dream groups. We can vary
the process to suit the members of our own group. The amount of
time for each segment of the format can be decided in advance --
and it can be monitored by a kitchen timer rather than by a person
with a watch; that time-keeper would probably receive unconscious
resentments whenever he or she told a member that the time had
elapsed.
- The opening statement. After the members have arrived,
greeted one another, and shared some small talk, we start the
meeting. The opening statement is an opportunity for each
person to describe their feelings at this moment (and their
feelings since the last meeting). The information helps the
other members to understand the context in which the person's
dream occurred. During this time, members might also share any
dreamwork creations (paintings or other artwork based on
dreams). Refreshments can be served now or at the end of the
meeting.
- This helps us to relax, create a group unity, and shift our
thoughts into a contemplative mode. A centering exercise can
include a prayer, or chanting (e.g., OM), or meditation, or
simply a minute of silence. During this time, we might hold
hands with one another.
- Everyone shares a dream. Only one or two dreams will be
interpreted during the meeting, but everyone should be allowed
to read a dream to the group; this allows all members to
participate in the dream-sharing. However, no one is required
to read a dream. During this phase of the meeting, the dreams
are shared without interpretations from the other people. The
members should have a copy from which to read; they might also
want to have a photocopy for all of the other members.
- A dream is selected for interpretation. Depending on the
amount of time in the meeting, and the amount of time spent on
each dream, we might be able to review one or more dreams per
session. Whose dream should be interpreted tonight? This can be
determined on a rotating basis, or the drawing of names
randomly, or group consensus, or by a member's feeling that his
or her dream has an urgency which requires an interpretation.
- The dream is read. All of the members presented their
dreams previously, but now they listen again to the dream which
is to be interpreted. The speaker should use the first person
(i.e., the dream persona is referred to as "I," not "the
character"), present tense, emotional expression (with a
dramatic story-telling flair), and all details of the dream. He
or she can employ gestures and body language to convey the
story, even to the point of standing and portraying some of the
actions. The recitation simply describes the characters and
activity of the dream, with no interpretation. The listeners
may take notes (and they may shut their eyes to imagine the
dream as they hear it), but they should not make comments.
- The other members ask for clarification. We can inquire
about details which were not mentioned, or any part which we
didn't understand. We don't begin the interpretation yet; these
questions simply establish the superficial "manifest content."
- The members discuss the dream. During this stage, the
dreamer offers no comments or nonverbal responses, and the
other members do not look at or speak to the dreamer. This is
an opportunity to give our impressions of the symbolism and
emotions. We talk about the dream as if we had dreamed it
ourselves, from our own feelings and circumstances rather than
those of the dreamer -- and we shouldn't even refer to the
personal data which we know about the dreamer's wakeful life.
To emphasize this perspective, we might start our sentences
with the phrase, "If that were my dream, ..." With this
approach, we can express our notions freely without concern
about upsetting or imposing on the dreamer; after all, we are
speaking as though the dream is ours. We are likely to evoke a
large range of viewpoints, some of which will be meaningful to
the dreamer. One member can write the comments; they will be
given to the dreamer at the end of the meeting.
- The dreamer responds to the comments. The dreamer is
allowed to maintain privacy, and not admit that certain
embarrassing interpretations were true. But we would like to
know, generally, whether any of our remarks seemed plausible,
and whether they caused the dreamer to feel a "tingle" or "aha"
in recognition of a correct interpretation. The dreamer might
want to continue the discussion of the dream, with any further
explanations which could narrow the focus. We don't insist that
the dream has a particular meaning; the person has the freedom
and privacy to develop his or her own interpretation, using
some or none of the input that has been given. The discussion
ends when the dreamer feels satisfied, or when the time-limit
has been reached.
- The meeting ends. The leader might ask whether anyone wants
to add final comments to the discussion. Then the group
conducts another centering exercise, to settle any emotions
which have been stirred, and to help us to return to our
regular state of mind.
- The study continues between meetings. Dream groups are not
meant to be a substitute for individual work; we should still
do interpretations and dreamwork at home. And after our dream
has been reviewed by the group, we will benefit by reading the
written comments and giving more consideration to their
validity. We can prepare for the next meeting by doing a
preliminary interpretation for the dream which we plan to
present, and by developing our knowledge of dreams in general
so that we can contribute better-informed input for other
people's dreams.
- Dream groups can pursue related activities. Some groups
have guest speakers, a lending library of books and newsletters
about dreaming -- and group experiments in incubation, lucid
dreaming, and other aspects of the subject. They can also
attempt a mutual dream; on a particular night, they will try to
assemble in the dreamscape and share an activity which will be
reported at the next meeting of the group.